I'm not going home this weekend because Thanksgiving break is so close. My mom will have her first "easy" chemo on Wednesday. I am skipping my night class on Tuesday so I can be home in time to sleep and drive her the next morning. She has been driving herself, but the doctors are giving her benadryl during this session, because a lot of people are allergic to this drug. I think my dad is going to drop her off, and I will pick her up. I may go early, because I've gotten benadryl through an IV before and it messed me up really bad.... I was crying one minute for no reason, then I started laughing uncontrollably.... Well, I hope all goes well, and I'm glad that I'm not driving home in this weather.

This suicide on campus changes the air here.. Maybe next time we think someone needs help we should speak up..... I will be praying for her.....

Alright, I'll talk about the videos... So, I've been working on putting in the more drawing aspects. It's been going well, or at least that's what I think. I've gotten everything up to where I think it should be and I added more frames to the pink video so that it is equal in length to the black one. They are both about 30 seconds long, which is shorter than I'd like, but I will add some closing photos to bring them to a close, and I hope that will bring them closer to 45 seconds or 1 minute. Obviously, you will get to see them today, and after that I will try to post them to YouTube, so that everyone can monitor my progress.

This weekend I spent the whole time with my mom. I really wanted to get some homework done, I even brought my computer home, but my mom had other plans. The second I got home she starting making a list of things she wanted me to do. We spent all Saturday running errands from the new Kroger's by my house (it's the only grocery store within 30 miles of my house, and it just opened a week ago..) then we went to the mall, then to GFS for Christmas goodies in bulk, and then back home to wrap presents. On Sunday she had me clean her fish tank (I'm big on fish, I work at a fish store and I have 4 tanks total in between school and home). On top of all that I have a really bad cold, so I had to make sure that I washed my hand a lot and drank lots of tea. Even though I didn't get to do what I planned, I really enjoyed the weekend. My mom and I are becoming closer and closer. When I left she thanked me for staying with her, which is my families way of saying "I love you." We don't get emotional at my house, my parents rarely even kiss outside of their bedroom... Anyway I think she just wanted some company and I was there to support her.

To answer the question about whether I've involved my mom in the video process, that is a no. I feel like it would hurt her to see how much this hurts me. I will show it to her sometime, probably when she's done with chemo... Right now I have to be the strong one in the family and I don't feel like I can show them my weaknesses. This weekend I had to stand by my mom's side and tell her that she should eat the sandwich she made. Then when she finished half of it, I congratulated her and ate the other half myself. I am the parent right now, and I will be for at least another 3 months (probably longer, since she will still need plastic surgery after the chemo is other). to show the video to my mom would be like a parent crying in front of their children and I can't do that......

I realize that I need to post more, but I just don't seem to have anything to talk about. Today I'm going home to be with my mom. She had chemo today. She drove herself, so she should be home when I get there. My father went to Vegas with his friend for the weekend. He wanted to vote on an OSU game sometime this season. My mom was supposed to go with him, but since her chemo got pushed back she couldn't. I'm going home for the whole weekend because my mom doesn't like being home alone, and I wouldn't want her to be after chemo. Well, my weekend won't just be sitting at home... I am going to get my hair cut. I'm getting really sick of having long hair, so I'm going to cut it short again. Anyway I hope my weekend goes well.

This weekend I went home to visit my mom just for one night. She seemed in very good spirits. She does have MRSA again and is taking even more powerful antibiotics. She had to put of her chemo for a week, so now she's a week behind. If she is better, then Friday will be her last strong chemo treatment. I really hope she doesn't fall too much further behind... She has planned two cruises after her chemo is over. First my father and her are going on a nine day cruise, then a week later she and I are going on a cruise to Mexico during spring break. I really want to have that time to be alone with my mom. The last time I got time alone with her was when I was 16. We went to Germany for 2 weeks together and it was the first time that my mom and I were able to grow closer. I don't want to lose the opportunity to do that again....

Still no word on what type of infection my mom has... I did talk to her yesterday and she seemed in good spirits. She went to the doctor again and he cleaned up the area of the infection. My mom is working from home this week, because she "can't wear her fake boobs." Well, as long as she can work from home, then I guess it doesn't matter where she does her work (or what she's wearing or not wearing)...

So, I've learned that my mom is sick again.... She has some kind of infection again. Later on today she will get the results of her culture, and know exactly what type of infection it is. I really hope that it's not MRSA again... Last time they gave her antibiotics and it supposedly got better. This time though, she has had three chemo treatments and has no immune system.. Maybe I worry too much....

This weekend went well. I competed at a programming competition and we placed 31 out of 124. I really wish we had had time to finish one more problem, because we could have placed even higher. It was really fun though, I got to meet people from IBM and Google who were recruiting. Not that they would ever recruit me... They were really there for the people from Carnegie Mellon, who like always has the number 1 and 2 teams.... Well, I hope I haven't bored you with my talk about computers....

Hey, I found this really cool site that has a ton of Flash stuff.
http://www.jrvisuals.com/
It has games and website.. Not that they pertain to my project, but I thought it was really neat.

This weekend I will be in Cincinnati... I am going to a programming competition with a team from AU. I went last year and I had a lot of fun. I know, programming isn't really fun, but my team last year placed the highest AU had ever done. So, I had a good time, just because we did well. This year it's me and two freshman, so I don't know how well we will do, but I'm hoping that we can still solve at least one problem (last year we solved two). Anyway, I'll be there this weekend and I won't be able to see my mom or work on homework...
I went home on Wednesday to pick some stuff up and did see my mom. She stayed home from work because she wasn't feeling well. I did get her some french fries at Wendy's and even though she said she ate dinner she took them at ate them right away. I was just glad to see that she still wanted to eat, even though she didn't feel well. I think that not eating was one of the reasons my aunt did so poorly in her last years. When you get sick after chemo ever week, then any food you eat then you don't want to eat again. I learned about why that is in psychology.. Something about conditioning. I just hope that my mom continues to eat and doesn't start to hate all kinds of food....

Well, I've been neglecting my blog lately. Life has been very busy... My mom is doing well so far. She is back at work and seems to be happy about that. I think that she wants things to go back to normal, not that that will happen soon... The big thing that she's worried about is in January her license expires and she will have to get a new one. She will still be doing chemo then and she will be bald, so she's worried that her picture on her license will be bald for the next 5 years. I guess if that's her biggest worry, then she's doing pretty good....

Ok, here's my artist statement so far, please leave feedback:

The artwork that I create is inspired by the need for basic human rights. I believe that all humans deserve to have certain rights fulfilled. Those rights should include: freedom – freedom in thought and in physicality, safety – from violence, and access to affordable healthcare. These ideas have inspired the artwork that I have done in the past years. I want to continue to create artwork that displays these ideas of human rights in the future.
I choose to do my work in the digital medium. I enjoy the flexibility and control that the computer and scanner give me over my artwork. The colors that I use tend to be bright and contrasting, because I want my viewer to be drawn in by them. The colors pull my viewers in and the subject keeps them thinking. My artwork makes my viewer rethink what human rights are and how they are addressed in our world.
This semester I am working on a piece that focuses on breast cancer. Breast cancer is a subject that is important to me because it has been in my family for generations. My great-grandmother, grandmother, aunt, and mother have all been cursed with breast cancer. The cancer killed my great-grandmother and my aunt and has my mother battling. My artwork is pair of Flash videos that feature my family and the rewards and struggles that have come along with breast cancer. These videos will show how breast cancer has taken away the rights of my family to be normal, to not worry, for my cousins to have a mother, and for my mother to love her body.

This weekend I spent lots of time with my mother. She had her second chemo treatment on Friday. On Saturday she shaved her head because her hair start to fall out earlier this week. It's very odd to see her bald, but I guess I'll get used to it. As a family (minus my brother who was at college) we went to my grandmother's for lunch on Sunday to spend time with my dad's family. My dad's mother had 16 children and I now have 48 first cousins and those cousins have maybe 10 or so children of their own. There were about 25 to 35 people at my grandmother's house throughout the day. I was just happy to see my mom having a good time. The last Sunday after her chemo she slept all day and barely ate. But yesterday she sat outside and talked with everyone for 4 hours. I had a lot of fun too, it's always nice to spend time with my family, especially since I've been at college and don't go home that often. All in all it was a good weekend and I feel like my mom's made it half way through the hard chemo, just half way more and she'll be into the "easy" stuff......

This whole artist statement thing is stumping me.. Anyway, I thought I would post some more inspirational pieces....

I really like this photographer, Art Myers. He did some stuff with breast cancer survivers and HIV pantients...

The week has flown by... And there seem to be a lot to do be for it ends... So, I've been working on how to make my video better, and it's been hard. As always, flash doesn't want to cooperate with me. Whenever I want to do something, flash wants to do the opposite. Like I said in the critique, the spinning of the clouds was flash... I put the clouds in one frame and inserted a key frame and just shrank the clouds. Flash took that shrinking and added a 180 degree turn to the motion tween for no reason and it seems to do things like that all the time.... Well, I guess this is the medium that I choose to work in and like every medium, it will try to work against me... I just feel like this medium has some kind of AI that is work against me for some evil purpose.....

So, I've been very busy this week.. I have made progress or what i think is progress on my work. I would like to post some of the photos that I plan I using in the future though, so that at the critique I can show what I will be doing soon. Most of the "work" that I have done has been to update what I had done before. I really didn't like what I got out of the last critique and I want to make m video flow better, so I been making changes so that I feel better about it. I've also been researching some more music options, but I've kinda been stuck there. I will bring in a song to class that I really like, but it is copyrighted... Maybe I can get permission for it because I think it might work well, but I'd like to see what the class thinks of it first.

Ok, so the pictures... and yes I've photoshoped them to make them pink...

Man this week is long.. I wish I could just pause time a take a nap. I really could use a nap... I am really looking forward to the critique on Monday. I have been having trouble making my pink video not so cliche. I want it to be unique, not sterotyptical. I guess I'll wait for feedback and see how I can make it better. Well, until then I hope it doesn't get too much colder, or they at least turn on the heat in the dorms at night....

This weekend was oddly relaxing. I did not do any homework and yet I somehow am not freaking out (although I'm guessing that tomorrow morning will be a different story). My mom's chemo went well. She was in a good mood this weekend, at least until today, then she became very tired, but at least no puking or anything. Well, with $100 per pill antinausa medication, you'd hope she wasn't puking. I had a good time just laying around at home doing nothing, which I think is what I needed after a month of stress at college. It seems like sometimes I let things build up too much and then I need some time to let it all go again.
I would like to take some pictures of some of my mother's treatments for my project. This first couple are in the mornings so it will be hard for me to get home, but I think she will have a few in the afternoon in early November... I guess I will just go with the flow until then...

This week has not been good… Let’s see, I’m sick and seem to not be getting any better, I have tons of homework and don’t understand any of it, and this weekend will be really stressful and nothing to look forward to. I’ve have been losing weight again and to top it off I have a cold that I can’t get over. So, I finally hit rock bottom this week and tried to make a doctor appointment, but my specialist left the state and now there are only 2 specialists left in Columbus for my disease (which is Crohn’s if you care). Well, now I can’t make an appointment for 2 weeks. And then when I’m sick I can’t concentrate in class and I get I’ll this homework that piles up and I finally get around to doing it and I don’t understand a single word of it… At least I get to go home this weekend, but I doubt it will be fun. Tomorrow is my mom’s first kemo treatment. I’m debating whether or not to shave my head with her or not… I have some time to decide, I think her hear shouldn’t fall out at least until her second treatment which won’t be for another 2 weeks. After I visit with my mom it’s off to my fiancée’s family. His birthday is next week, but more importantly to his family, his grandmother’s birthday is also next week. So, his family will be celebrating both birthdays in one day this weekend.
Anyway, I tried to post my video last time, but this site won’t accept flash files. I’ll mess around and see if I can convert it to a quicktime or something…

I really needed the feedback from the critique this week. I've been kind of stuck about how to go about certain things in my video. I really need to research flash video transitions and how I can use them in my video to my advantage. I've been thinking that I need to look at how I can make the pictures and "painting" aspects flow together better... I need to make the both parts flow together and right now that doesn't seem to be happening.
So I will post my video again so that you can leave feedback..

I've really been trying hard this weekend to work on my project. It seems that I am somewhat behind, at least I think I am for the time we have left in the semester. I don't want to post any photos or anything because of the critique tomorrow, but I'll post some of my inspiration. I know that Adam posted early about some of his favorite artists, so I think I'll steal his idea and post some of my inspirations for my project.

If you've taken art history then you know this is Venus:

This is Musical Sphere, by Kransyansky:

I've always liked Kransyansky's work, not that it has really inspired me on this project, but it has inspired me on previous projects.

And this is what it says it is:

Rembrandt has also been one of my inspiring artists. I really like his etchings because of the black and white contrast.

So I've finally ot started in flash. Most of my flash video will be pictures of my family. I am trying to find ways to transition from picture to picture. I would like to have the illusion of the page turning and fading in and fading out. I need to find code for all of this though... So, if any of you know of a good book or website with flash script, please let me know.

Gosh, so we have to post three times a week... that's a lot for me. Anyway, I made my slides for the MOCA show this weekend. It was the first time in awhile that I had to write an artist statement. It is always very hard for me to write about myself... I really am never sure what to say. The problem may be that, unlike some people, I've never really had one focus in my artwork. I just do a piece because something at that moment inspired me. So, how do I explain that in my artist statement? I don't want to sound like I don't care about anything. That's my dilema right now...

So, this weekend went well for me. My mother spent the past week in the hospital dealing with blood clots and infections, but she had surgery and came home on Saturday. She is doing much better and her mood is improving.

I spent most of my time at home collecting photos for my project. I went through all my old photo albums and picked out the pictures that I wanted to use for my project. It was a little hard to do, because a lot of the pictures were of my aunt (who was also my godmother) who died two years ago… The pictures that I think will be the most helpful to me are the ones of the whole family. They show three generations together that were all affected by breast cancer, and I think that these pictures will be my inspiration and focus.

I also spent some time this weekend listening to music for my flash piece. I was really inspired by a lot of music, but most of it was copyrighted… In the end I guess it’s a good thing I can’t use copyrighted music. I think if I could I would rely too heavily on the lyrics to push my piece. I need to use a musical piece without lyrics so that I will have to focus on the visual more. Anyway, right now I am thinking about using Beethoven’s “Fur Elise.” It’s 4 minutes, which gives me plenty of time and it’s a good tempo…

My Project

So this blog is going to be long, but I think I owe it to you to explain a little background about my project this semester… I have chosen to focus on breast cancer as my topic for this semester because of how much it has affected me lately. Breast cancer has always run in my family, but it has now become more personal…
My story starts before I was born with my great-grandmother, whom I never met, and I really don’t know much about. All I really know is that she had breast cancer and that it eventual killed her. She was diagnosed at a time when doctors knew that cancer was bad, but had little treatments for it.
Then the year I was born, 1987, her daughter, my grandmother, was diagnosed with breast cancer also. She was retroactive and had a mastectomy, which was rare at the time. She beat her cancer and lives on to tell about it. But it left her with guilt and anger. And I will tell you why in a minute…
Just six years later, her oldest daughter, my aunt and godmother, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She thought she could beat it. She had surgery and chemo. But she didn’t realize she was pregnant… So her daughter was born mentally handicapped, unable to develop mentally past the age of 8. My aunt thought she had beaten the cancer. She had another daughter and loved them both, but she lived in fear. She never punished them or said mean words to them for fear that she would not always be with them. And she was right… The cancer came back. It spread to her bones and her organs. They gave her chemo again and again. She fought for 13 years, but it didn’t matter… When she died she left behind 12 and 11-year-old daughters, 3 sisters, 3 nieces in fear, and one guilt stricken mother.
Only 18 months later, early this summer, comes the story of my mother. She found her second lump in her breast. The first time she found one, it turned out to be nothing. This time the blood test and MRI showed that there was cancer. My mother decided to be like her mother and be retroactive, she wanted a double mastectomy, she was going to take no chances. So that is what she did, and it was a good thing she made that decision. When the surgery was done, the doctors said they not only had found the lumps of cancer, but a second type of breast cancer that forms in strings and can’t be felt or seen on MRIs. She is in a group of less than 5% of women with breast cancer, she has both types. So now we play the waiting game… It took her all summer to recover from the surgery and it almost cost me my summer job to care for her. The chemo was supposed to start this week, but there complications this weekend… She is back in the hospital because she has blood clots and infections. She will have to have surgery to remove her expander (it’s something they put it to pump your chest back up so they can put in fake boobs). Then in a year they will have to start over again and try to put the expander back in and hope that she doesn’t get another infection... I just hope that the chemo isn’t as stressful as the surgeries…
So every female in my family is a ticking time bomb, just waiting to go off. And I want to make a flash animation about how breast cancer is not always full of pink ribbons and hope and happiness…

Patterns

So... this first week around campus again I've noticed that there are a lot of patterns. All the buildings, from the floors, the walls, the carpeting, and the desks are in patterns. When people walk by me I see a lot of stripes and lines. I don't know if it's all in my head because I'm not ready for the repetition of school, but they seem to be everywhere...

The pattern that I really like the most the the checker board pattern, because it does remind me of college. Every other day is exactly the same, just like a checkerboard.

So, I picked out some that I really liked and here they are.. I guess I might me a little crazy, but oh well.