So my semester hasn't been going well. Since winter break I have been in pain and no one could tell me why. This week I finally saw a specialist and was told that my kidneys are shutting down. Currently I have 34% function of my kidneys. Both the doctor and I believe that my childhood kidney disease has returned. When I was 5 I was diagnosed with an autoimmune form of kidney disease. After a year of drugs the disease went into remission. Well, I guess now it's back, and I think I caught it too late. At this point I can just extend the life of my kidneys. If I respond well to the drugs, then I could last 5 years before I need a transplant. There is a chance that this all could be caused by something curable, but it's not very likely. On Thursday I will have a kidney biopsy to confirm that my disease is back. I'm sorry if I've seemed tired or distant.... There are a lot of things that I'm feeling now. I want to blame the doctors who ignored my blood tests that showed a year ago that something was wrong. I also want to blame myself for pumping drugs into my body and hurting my kidneys. Then I feel like I'm letting my family down, because my mom is still sick, and I shouldn't be also. I don't want to be a burden on my family. How can I ever ask my brother to give me a kidney if he's still in college? What happens if I can't finish college?

Well, on a lighter note I'm super itchy. It's a symptom of my dying kidneys... But it makes me crazy! It's like having mosquito bites all over. Ahhhh!!!